Catullus 16

Translation & Spunkification by Sean Northrup & Jared Demick


I’ll boysaddle ya & erupt-a-rumba in your mouth,

pathetick Aurelius & woman-posing Furius.

You who thought I was all sham & no shame,

because of my dwarfy, mollycuddled poems.

Pious verse-dishers can chase after chastity,

but the verses should still stiffen a dead man’s 5 limbs.

If those verses got the salt & wit enough

to incite a prurient posse,

I don’t show them to boychicks, but to those hirsute hombres

who can’t get their loins-a-going.

Just cuz you read my appeteasers on kissing,

you think my cajones are detachable?

I’ll boysaddle ya & erupt-a-rumba in your mouths.